Thursday, Nov 6th - Hero: Darlene Harris

You ever have one of those friends? The one who knows exactly what to say and when to say it? Well, for me that is Darlene.

I have been going through a very emotional time in my life. It has made me feel uncharacteristically vulnerable. I cry easily and fly off the handle at weird moments. Things that would normally not bother me just devastate me lately.

It's not a hormonal thing, in case you were wondering. I don't have the organs left for that. I just feel like one big raw nerve.

It all started with my aunt passing away. She was beautiful, smart, caring, and so young. I think when that happens you automatically start taking stock of your life and I was surprised to find that I don't really love my life.

Not necessarily because of anything other people do to me, more like what I allow other people to do to me. There's a fine line between humility and martyrdom and it gets blurred for me. I am one of those people who naturally think of other people first. I get a bonus and I start thinking of what I can buy for someone. I get some cool stuff for free and I think of who I can give it to. I'm not a shrink, but I think I could have some issues where I think I have to do things for others so they will like me. I also have guilt issues, because I have always felt the need to apologize for my success. Seeing that written down, I know how crazy it sounds, but the root goes all the way back to my ability to get good grades and my little brother saying it wasn't fair. Oh well.

So, back to Darlene. Yesterday was an especially bad day for me. I had dreamed about my Aunt Joy, found beer cans in my garbage (long story), paid bills and saw how little money we have, crazy worried about the state of my financial future with our new president, felt insulted over a friend's blog, AND got a call that my grandmother's heart surgery had a serious complication.

I broke. Just flat out broke, and I couldn't even work up the courage to talk to God. So I got up from my computer and walked out of the office and started driving until I was bawling so hard I couldn't see the road. Luckily there was a ding on my blackberry and a message from Darlene.

It was such a simple message, but was exactly what I was feeling and exactly what I needed - a small validation of my right to feel the way I do, and love.

Thank you Darlene. And thank you, Mom. Your call last night was the perfect follow-up.

Peace, Love, and GOD,
Tracy